sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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