My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
