i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
