dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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