do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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