He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
