Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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