My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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