You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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