We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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