I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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