Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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