all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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