Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
