If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
