I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
