Plan B is the new Plan A
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
