Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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