so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
