I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i now understand why vodka
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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