No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
