you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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