When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
