Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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