So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
