I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
