Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
