Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm having to shit out rocks
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