the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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