i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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