i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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