just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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