you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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