I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm too high and old for this...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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