it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
