the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
