I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
