I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize