It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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