you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
