Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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