fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
