I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
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Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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