my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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