YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
