The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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