In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
