There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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