Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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