I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize