Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
