it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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