Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
