uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
