I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just invented taco cereal.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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