The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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